I got an email from a reader that brings out an important question. Before I begin, I would like you all to read the email below followed by my answer. Obviously, the name is going to remain anonymous. I’d also like to add that alot of what I learned came from the Magic of Making Up, by Travis Sago a relationship expert.
I have the most wonderful girlfriend but she has a past and I have asked her too many questions about it which has led to her assumption that I do not trust her. The last was I found a [dating site] post that she had two weeks ago.
She said she just deleted a message and that was it…but I questioned her on why she did not deactivate the account. She got really offensive and told me that she had enough of me not trusting her…
I want her back…she said we should have dinner in two weeks to dicuss where I am and if I have grown…she has been married 4 times.
If she gave me two weeks what is she really trying to do?
Ok guys let’s really take a look at the issue here: you’re worried about her past because, with her being married 4 times now, chances are that she’s going to move on from you and move to the next guy that’s going to offer them something.
With 4 marriages in her past, this is an extreme case. But you still must remember that these things happened in the past. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change it and it really shouldn’t be something that you need to worry about.
If you’re asking about her past all the time, she has good reason to believe that you don’t trust her. And let’s face it: you don’t. Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you to start trusting her because let’s face it – it’s hard to trust someone that has been in 4 marriages already.
So what should you do? Well, if you like the girl, it’s time for you to put your thoughts and feelings about her past behind you and get on with the relationship.
So you’re going to be seeing this girl for dinner right? If I were in your position, I would simply tell her that you’re done asking her about her past and what happened in the past is her business. You’re done with worrying about it and you want to focus on the future now. Ask her if shes you in her future and if she does, then start this relationship again.
Even if it means starting the relationship over from the beginning.
It’s going to feel different because you’re going to need to start feeling different about it. It’s time to let go of the past and enjoy your life and what the future will hold.
I’ll be honest here and this is how I would treat this girl from now on: you need to start being more independent. Why? Because a woman like this one seeks men that are independent and into their own things. They like the chase. They need the chase. Once you start asking questions about her past and what she did last night, where she was at, etc. she begins to believe that you’re obsessed with what she’s doing and that you’re too interested in her.
Yes, it is possible to be too interested in a girl! Well, at least from her point of view. And that’s all that really matters because she’s going to be running off soon anyways as long as you’re drilling her about her activities.
So, simply let her do her thing and you do yours. Just ask her how her day was and keep it at that.
- Don’t ask her about any guys she’s been meeting.
- Don’t ask her why she was out so late last night.
- Don’t ask her why she was talking to a guy for so long.
I hope you get the point. These type of women just like to run from guy to guy and unfortunately, you can’t really do anything about it other than be that same guy when she first met you. For as long as you can. Don’t change.
Continue to be yourself.
-Raul
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I agree with you Raul. I don’t think either couple should have to worry about each other’s past. It’s unfair to both of them.